Monday, July 21, 2003

enjoyed a sociable but tiring weekend in london. i find it very easy to avail myself of hospitality sometimes. i guess because it's sometimes rude to refuse hospitality, but does that justify being waited on hand and foot? anyway, people were very generous with their time and energy towards us this weekend, which was lovely. (i'm stopping before ppl read this and never invite me round again!)

how do you change your "want-to"? even if i knew how, looking at my efforts so far, i'm not sure i do want to change at all.

the other day, i suddenly realised i had absolutely nothing of value to offer a person i was praying with. it was God they were to hear from, do business with, etc. and He was to impact their life. i didn't feel like i had anything to lose after thinking that, and was able to pray for them. i guess it's a facet of grace, (costly grace?), to know that the sole point of reference in your life is/should be God. and if He says you're okay, then i guess you really are : )

Tuesday, July 15, 2003

so i haven't blogged for ages, but am now back and silently vowing to blog more regularly - perhaps it is something every blogger does from time to time? anyway, prompted by a perky little shout out, i am reminded that something quite significant has happened recently to me, and i leave you to the words of the email that i wrote soon afterwards:

"I bought some plane tickets on the sly, pretending we were visiting her friends in Southampton. She figured we weren't heading south when we got to the check-in desk, but that was okay. She was blown away by the beauty of the finest city in the world (and I may be slightly bias I confess) and by the fact I took her on a two mile walk up Arthur's Seat - a hill overlooking the centre of Edinburgh. On top of the hill I got down on one knee and asked her if she'd marry me, and she said she'd love to. Since the ring we'd ordered hadn't arrived yet (didn't risk buying something without her input - just as well too, as it was considerable in the end) I slipped a large plastic ring in the shape of a flower I got off the top of a cupcake on her finger and she cried. My hankie wasn't too dirty, and she gratefully accepted that too. We then headed back in to town where she immediately bought a slightly more discreet temporary ring, although she does want to keep the plastic flower for some reason. Fair enough, I suppose. Smiles all round."

the plans are now being furiously hatched for winter, but i think it's going pretty well (the planning that is). the engagement is also going well! my favourite card goes something like: (from a friend in kids writing) "i have heard that you have decided to get married and to engage each other..." for some reason that cute-ness does appeal.

on the discipleship front, things have been a tad wobbly of late. sometimes it seems my resolve is like quicksilver, the harder one tries to grab it, the more it slips out of ones fingers. i'm sure that's just a flowery excuse for sheer laziness and lack of vision. if i really was envisioned with a clear picture of the Lord i am supposedly following, i am sure i wouldn't be floundering so.

God keep me focused on you (how many times have i disregarded that prayer as just christian-ese?) in order that i have a clear and true understanding of Your wonderful character, Your unfailing love and gentle determination, that You are light, and there is no darkness in You at all. And as i gaze upon You, help me to fall ever more in love with You.